Another Milestone

Saturday night, at about 9:00, my dear mother, Eileen Frances Winholt Snyder, passed away.  She was 83 years old.  The doctor says we'll never really know what happened, but they presume she had a massive heart attack.  My mother would not have wanted to linger, helped along by machines or wasting away in the hospital, so thankfully it was very quick.  Of course, I was not expecting this, as she seemed to be doing a lot better this week.  I'm very thankful we had that lovely evening together on Friday, and just wish she had gotten more time to enjoy what seemed to be her newfound health.

My mom and I had a rocky relationship, but underneath it all we both knew we loved each other.  All she ever wanted for me was that I be happy.  She did her best to make sure that happened.  While she wasn't always successful, and I wasn't always accepting of her efforts, it always came back around that we could make each other laugh and enjoy being together. 

I'm still not at the point of really understanding that she's gone, and I know the next few days are going to be very difficult.  But I think it will be the milestones in life that will make my heart ache the worst.  All the holidays and special times that we won't share together, as well as just those ordinary days when we might have gotten together for lunch.  I wish she could have had a great-grandchild to spoil, but she loved my son with all her heart, and that's a very good thing for both of them.  Everyone in her family, me, Cory, Jim, her sister Karyl, her brother Jim (the last remaining siblings of five boys and five girls,) and all her nieces and nephews will miss her, but we all have such wonderful memories of her life that she will never truly be gone.

Thank you all for being here for me over the last few months.  I won't be back for a while, as I'll be busy getting ready to say good-bye to my mom for the last time.  I thank you now for all your best wishes and prayers.  They will be a great comfort to me.

Comments

[Wanda]

Jane, I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. I've been out of the loop and wasn't reading blogs as much. Please know that you are in my prayers. Many hugs to you.

[Tanya]

So sorry for your loss. It is never easy even when the relationship was sometimes rocky.

[Ewe-niss]

{{{hug}}}}
I am sooo sorry.

[itgirl]

my thoughts are with you, as always.

[Tracey]

Oh my dear, dear Jane. You are most certainly in my thoughts and prayers. If you need anything at all, please email me. I don't know what I could do this far away, but even if it's just a chat or a listening ear, you let me know. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family.

[liz]

Jane, you have my deepest sympathies. Much love and strength to you and your family.

[Vicki]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Karen]

Jane, I am so sorry for your loss. I am sending all my best to you and your family as you go through this very difficult time. Hugs to you.

[Lorette]

My dear, I am very sorry for your loss. I know from experience that words can't make this loss any easier, but you and your family will be in my prayers.

[Suzanne V. (Yarnhog)]

Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[scoutj]

Oh Jane. My heart goes out to you. I lost my own mother 15 years ago so I know this far too well.
xo

[Alma]

Oh, honey, I am so sorry. I know how tough these past months have been for you. Your Mom was fortunate to have such a caring daughter helping her. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[Becky]

> You will be in my thoughts as you make peace with your mother's unexpected passing.

[Li_B]

Oh my goodness, what a shock that must have been. What beautiful words you wrote. Wishing you the best of memories and stories to pass on to the future great grandchildren.

[Sydney]

Oh my! I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Take care! *hugs*

[Julia]

oh Jane, I'm so sorry to read this. I hope you take comfort in the fact that she did not suffer. My dad died in his sleep, totally unexpectedly, 2 years ago at age 74 while on vacation. The loss is immense and at times, overwhelming. there is no wrong way to grieve, there is only YOUR way. I will pray for strength for you. I listened to the book "A Year of Magical Thinking" by Joan Didion, which I found very helpful.
Julia

[Jody]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll be keeping you & your family in my thoughts & prayers.

[Meg]

I am just stunned by this news. You have been a loving daughter Jane, working so very hard to get your Mother's health stabalized and to get her settled into a new phase in life. I think you know how much I have admired your efforts. I hope you find some comfort in the company of your family and friends over these next few days and weeks to come. No need to reply to this post. Just know that I am thinking about you today.

[Beth]

I'm so sorry Jane - I'll be thinking of you!

[Amy Boogie]

I'm so sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. You and your family are in my thoughts.

[Ruthanne (in Seattle)]

Jane - I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your mom, but happy too that you had such a grand time with her the night before and that she enjoyed herself also. You will all three be in my prayers.

[La]

Oh, Jane, I am so sorry! I will keep you in my thoughts, sending healing energies. Words can't even begin to convey or do the sorrow justice, so I'm sending you virtual hugs instead.

[marti]

i am so sorry for your loss, i think that you summed things up quite nicely about the rocky relationship, that love will become more and more evident to you as the years roll by.

[Lynne]

My deepest condolences for your loss. You are in my thoughts.

[Amanda in GA]

Jane,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Kim]

Poor sweetie! You'll be in my thoughts!

[margene]

Deepest sympathies to you and your family. My mother has been gone for 19 years and I cry for you at the loss of your mom. Sending good thoughts your way.
Hugs, too.

[Melissa]

My thoughts are with you.

[Sandy]

I'm so sorry Jane. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[Janice in GA]

Oh Jane, I'm so sorry. I know she was happy to have you nearby for the last couple of months.

I'm glad her passing wasn't painful and prolonged, for both your sakes.

Best wishes to you and your family, and peace to you at this time.

[Mary]

I am so very sorry about your Mom!! I have been keeping up with all that has been going on lately and it did seem as though things were looking up!

What a blessing to have had your mother in your life!! She sounds like a wonderful, caring person!!

I will keep you in my prayers while you go through this very difficult time!!!

[Restless Knitter]

I'm so sorry for your loss. *Hugs*

[Doug]

I'm so sorry for your loss Jane. (hugs)

[Doug]

I'm so sorry for your loss Jane. (hugs)

[Phyllis]

Jane, I was so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. Please know my thoughts are with you and your family. What a lovely picture of her.

[ivete]

I am so sorry. You're in my thoughts.

[Imbrium]

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and yours.

[Terby]

My sincerest condolences. I'm one of your lurking readers, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace to you and your family.

[Lynn]

Oh wow, I'm SO sorry, Jane. I went back to re-read your post on Saturday and am not sure if she died after the party or the next day. Either way, what a memory for her to have!!! And same for you. It's nice to know that the last time you were all together it was for a happy occasion. She was with her family.

Hugs to you and your family.

[Maggi]

I'm so sorry, Jane. I can see you in her lovely face. It's almost two years since I lost my mom at 81 and I just want to say that I think of her so often and warmly that sometimes it feels like she's still around. I find that keeping in touch with her friends (I saw two of them this weekend) also helps. Will keep you all in my prayers ~

[Dotty]

Oh, Jane. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Hugs!

[famous steve]

I can not imagine what you must be going through. It's good that you both got to spend so much time together in the past several weeks. I just want you and your family to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Chris]

Oh! How unexpected. Jane, I am so, so sorry. *hug*

[Cynthia]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. We're keeping you in our thoughts.

[--Deb]

Oh no, I'm so sorry....

[Norma]

My deep condolences, Jane. I'm so glad you had that most recent lovely evening with her.

[Paula]

Jane, I am so sorry for your loss.

[EvilScienceChik]

Oh Jane, I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

If there is ANYTHING you need, please let me know, I am just a phone call away!

(((hugs)))

[Donna]

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Liz K.]

Jane, I usually lurk here, but I wanted to just send you my heartfelt condolences. There's no need to respond; just know you'll be in my thoughts and prayers during what is sure to be a difficult time.

[Sharon]

My thoughts are very much with you, Jane. You can't feel great loss if there wasn't great love to begin with. Hope there is good comfort from your family.

[pixie]

my family has you in our thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss.

[Jacquie]

Jane - I said a prayer for both you and your Mom tonight at mass. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days. And when you are ready we will have a "girlfriends" dinner together. Please take care of yourself!

[Emily]

I'm so sorry. If you need anything (fiber-based gift packages included) don't hesitate to let me know. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

[Mouse]

I'm so sorry Jane.. *hugs*

[greta]

my DEEPEST sympathies to you and your family...
in this time of loss and grief.
When you are ready,
let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do
for you in her memory.
Blessings and prayers
dear friend!
xoxox

[Kristyn]

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that while you will never get over her loss it does get easier to deal with as time goes on.

[Dee]

Oh Jane, I'm SO sorry for your loss. My prayers will be with you, Jim, Cory and your extended family as you go through this difficult time.